the first one is what i literally do everyday. except on weekends. wake up, eat w/e, design (class, roughs, anything school related) and then go to sleep. i added exercise and playing guitar because that is what i love doing in my spare time. i wanted to show these words somewhere because they are both hard to fit in in my hectic schedule. the rough below is a more specific day. i dont like the lines below the text. the main point was to work with the comma's. the spacing determines the amount of time that stuff takes. i am still trying out ideas to make the text and bold commas make sense in the composition. i want the commas to be seen with the text. not just the commas, then the text.
For design one, I dig the look of the dotted line. It gives the illusion of a perferation, or the dotted lines on documents. But after I read your blurb, you don’t like the dotted lines… well, that is the first thing that jumps out at you is the lines, so the critique is a little more difficult. I hear you saying you want to balance the commas and the words, which I think is effective., however, the composition itself is a little boring. Maybe if you capitalized items that were more exciting, or italicized items that you enjoy more then the others, it just lacks movement. And maybe lay the words out on a diagonal in decending order as to the time of day. The (…) doesn’t really fit in the scheme of the design as you described it, and aside from that, you take more time getting dressed in the morning then for lunch? Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteThe second one, even thought it is more interesting from a design standpoint, is still pretty boring, and from a technical standpoint, (im only saying this because it seems to be an element you are relying on) we are only allowed to use black and white. Shades of grey are a no go. Sorry:(
I understand both concepts for your designs. I just believe you may want to add/adjust a few things to express your direction stronger.
ReplyDeleteIn the first design, it gets straight to the point. Your daily routine involves getting up, getting business done, and sleeping. If this is your daily routine for just the weekdays, then make it symbolize that a little more. I believe you should either have seven lines, with two representing a general weekend schedule, or remove a line, so that there are only five lines representing Monday though Friday. I do like the idea of squeezing your hobbies into the middle of your routine. It works to show how difficult it is to get time to yourself and your hobbies. You could try playing with the text more to give the effect of squeezing the text in-between the words. Just to further show the difficulty. Also be careful about colors. Newton just wants black and white. No gray. You don’t want to lose points because of that.
The second design works, but I believe a little more tweaking would help. As of right now the design is just there. It reminds me of a writing pad on a refrigerator. That isn’t a bad thing, but it is just a list right now. If there is a way to make it engage the audience more, it would become stronger. I don’t know if it is the font, but the commas do hinder this rough. For some reason it is the first thing that catches my eye and not the words. Initially I didn’t see the dotted lines as the time it took to accomplish each activity. At first, I thought it was suppose to be a fill in the blank space. If you can find a new way to convey time that would probably help.
I understand where you were going with both concepts. They just need a few things to get the audience’s attention and keep it.
Markel LON35TAR Lee
Comp 1: I like the simplicity of your day and how you visually displayed it. I think you should put playing guitar and exercising within the line of text instead of on top of it. It is slightly unreadable and I think you will still get it across that it is hard to fit into your schedule. Also, it seems weird that you have a hectic day and don’t have time to fit things in your schedule but you only do 4 things in your day.
ReplyDeleteComp 2: I honestly don’t like the commas. What if you used periods or got rid of them altogether. I think that sleep needs to be the same as the other text and not all the way on the bottom. I don’t like how you squished drive to school and learn more on the same line when all your other tasks are separated. If you wanted to break it up maybe take one away or move lunch and learn on to same line, then put bus home instead of catch the bus home so you can fit that on the same line as drive to school and then learn more and be the last line.
Firstly, I read your synopsis before looking at your work. So when I read that you wanted to play the guitar (exercise) but have no time for it I glanced at your second one and thought Oh! Almost looks like this person is doing sheet music with the words as the notes. I think you might have something there. Someone told me that there are notes in one of our fonts. I really want to see if you can go in that direction with all these notes hanging down but filled with words like wake eat design sleep. (just an idea of a mixture of both your roughs) You really want the music but instead your doing all this other stuff.
ReplyDeleteIn your first rough the dotted lines gives the feeling that your really not there until you hit the word “design”, then “BAM!” here I am. Without reading your synopsis, I never would have known about the smaller words in it. I think there is much you can do with the guitar and music that I have not seen in other roughs. Keep on playing with the types, I think you might really have something in the end.
Although I know where you are trying to go with your second rough, I still don’t understand how the commas portray time. That does not make sense to me. Like I mentioned before, the lines made me think of sheet music but the commas are not really doing anything for your composition. Again explore a little bit more with the type. Also I know that I’m just reiterating what others have said but just say “no” to grey.
Your first composition is a little dull for me. Also, “play guitar” and “exercise” get in my way. I think if you are going to add those words to the composition you should arrange them differently. Maybe you can turn them vertical or diagonal and place each one in between the other words above the comma. It would look like you are trying to squeeze these words in like you try to fit them into your schedule. If you did some changes there, I think your composition would say a lot more.
ReplyDeleteIn the second comp, I am also not a huge fan of the lines. I get what you are trying to convey but I don’t feel like the design is quite there. I think if you are trying to show how long each thing takes maybe you should add some ellipses in between the words instead of commas. You could make the ones after learn really long and exaggerated since that seems to be what you spend most of your time on. I think you should make sleep just a tad bit bigger as well.
Mark,
ReplyDeleteI think the first one is effective because it illustrates the repetitiveness very well. However, I think that the occurrences of “play guitar” and “exercise” are misplaced and don’t make sense here. I would suggest either leaving it out, or have two lines that fit an equally sized play guitar or exercise, meaning those two lines would be a smaller font size that the other ones. The other suggestion would be to very sparingly place the “play guitar” or “exercise” in the same font and style as the rest of the sentence, only much small, above and in between “design and sleep”, with a downwards arrow inserting those infrequent activities wherever possible. I just think that really needs to change so it doesn’t take away from the otherwise successful design. (might want to change to just black/white though)
I like the first design because it is bold and simple and straight to the point, however I think you need to do something else with your hobbies if you choose to include them because they just get lost.
ReplyDeleteAs for the second design, I think you could come up with a different way of expressing time passing since I didn't really get it.
So I would say go with the first design, I think you have more of a concept there that you can tweak and make stronger.
After reading the comments it seems no one gets the comma pause thing. However, I still feel that the comma one is the more interesting of the two. There was a suggestion to add some ellipses to show duration. You do have it once at the end of "design...". Perhaps add another after the first "learn". I think the lines are fine. It gives a sense of perfectionism and a list.
ReplyDelete