The composition a brief day in my life. I combined elements of running a race with things I do in my daily life. The typeface is Bookman old style and i chose it because I liked how it looked with the BANG!
This composition is about a snow day. It includes all the events, clothes, and things you can do on a snow day. I am trying to convey memories of my childhood. So happiness and the fun that I had on snow days. I wanted the type to be bold, slightly whimsical, and still neat all at the same time.
This difference between the two compositions is that the first one is of my day to day life whereas the second one is specific to snow days. Then the first one is not confined to a shape but flows from top, right to bottom, left. The second one is confined within the shape of a snow angel. The words are scattered because on a snow day it is hectic and as a kid you want to get in everything you can do in that one day.
I think that your first one has more depth than the second because it encompasses your entire day, rather than a theme such as “snow day”. For the top one though I would suggest making the type bigger and more dynamic. At the moment it’s nearly centered (except for the intro and end), but it would fill the page so much better of you had the elements moving more on the page. Maybe when you get them to a larger size have some start to bleed off the edge, to show how much you have to fit in one day — especially during the run, with the hills, if that’s a stressful element than that can extend out. Or actually since the run seems to me the most active part, you could condense the other aspect of your day to take up about 1/3 of the page and have the progression of the run the center point.
ReplyDeleteThe top rough has potential to be more expressive, think about the words and see if you can express them “louder” in the picture. Take up some of that white space that is all around and weaving heavily through the composition. Are you trying to make a shape of something? If so, it needs to be more prominent, at present I can’t tell what it is. Give it some meaning. I would say work on it more and then take a step back and look at it further away to see if it gives you what you are looking for.
ReplyDeleteThe snow day one might be nice if you could create it without using the line that creates the snow angel, I don’t know how you came up with the shape, but if it was drawn in, we are prohibited from drawing anything using anything other than type or glyphs.
For the first design, I like the listing and the way eat group of words is treated especially the choo choo and jumping. I can see how more smaller type next to each word grouping could increase the look or dramatize it. Are they music notes type? They throw me off a little…if you made notes out of type that would look really cool. I like the design and it coveys your day well.
ReplyDeleteFor the snow day design I like the idea but the angel outline is not made of type. Try typing on path. Also where did your snowflakes come from? Are they type? I like the zzzz at the top and bottom. If your working with shapes any way maybe the design could have a border of zzzs.
Adding some contrast by enlarging some of your objects could really make these designs pop. Other than that they are both great ideas, good job!
For the first design I would like to see more of a variety in the sizes between the lines. I think it needs to fill up the space more too, there’s a lot of white space on the sides, especially in the top right corner. I like that the line about listening to music is curvy. Did you mean “stopping for the train” where you wrote “stopping for the bus”? I also don’t understand the “BANG!”, is that supposed to represent your alarm?
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of a snow angel for a snow day. I’m wondering what it would look like to make the background black and keep the snow angel in white. If you do this you could add some snowflakes to the outside in white. I think the snow angel’s head needs something inside it because it’s the only part of the snow angel that’s left blank. I would also like to see “sledding” follow the curve of the wing as it does with “skiing” on the right.
First off I don’t think we are allowed to draw lines. So I think you need to make the angel out of letters. The snowflakes are really cute, I can’t tell what letters you used but they are adorable. Maybe some snowflakes falling out side of the angel? On the race one I think the fact that it’s a race needs to be more obvious, the bang bang looks very out of place. Also the choochoo becomes the most prominent part of the composition and I don’t think it’s the most important part of the story. The way the words are centered the appear to be making some sort of image that doesn’t come through, I would either take advantage of this and make an image or try to get rid of this effect. I would defiantly go with the snow day one, I think it’s the stronger of the two compositions.
ReplyDeleteI don’t understand the “bang!” in the first composition. I think that you could be more playful with this. I think you meant to put “stopping for the train” not “bus” and “we’re” not “were”. You should consider using less punctuation, because there are a lot of exclamation points and a few periods, and these only make the reader stop after each. It would help if you made it flow more smoothly.
ReplyDeleteOn the second, well, first of all don’t use lines. Only type/glyphs. There needs to be more descriptive words to portray your day more effectively. You might try writing all of these in sentence form, rather than just as descriptive words/phrases. If you’re going to use the snowflakes, you should try and use more of them, or maybe none at all. “Snowball” not “showball”. Maybe make the ZzZz (etc.) more airy or flowy, so it’s not just a heavy line.
Comp 1: This composition is a bit strange and hard to follow in my opinion. I couldn’t tell what it was or what it was supposed to illustrate. I would add much more text and different sizes of text. Also I would push some letters together and smush them as if there was a crash or something up near where the BANG is.
ReplyDeleteComp 2: I like this one a lot better. However, you need to change the outline of the snow angel to make it text. We arnt allowed to outline anything. It has to be strictly text so I would be careful about that. The description of your day inside the angel is good and it makes me want to go make a snow angel and drink hot chocolate. I like the way you rotated text and added glyphs. Its simple but it works good. Good job.
I like your first rough the best. It’s pretty fun. I think that it needs be more dramatic. You should really accentuate the differences in the line weights and sizes. Like the word ‘boost” should really BOOST! You could also make the composition trickle from one corner to the other instead of having most of it in the middle. I am not sure if you are drawing things with out using text, but if you are you will probably be counted off for that.
ReplyDeleteThe second rough is cute, but I don’t think it is as strong as your first one. Maybe if you tried making snowballs out of words and made them look like they were flying through the air, or something, would make it more interesting. I feel like the outline of the snow angle is taking away from the fun of trying to read text as expression and emotion. It just provides too much information.
The race metaphor is still not strong. Use more race terms (warming up, stretching, lining up for the race etc.)
ReplyDelete