for rough one, it was for my 20th birthday. i woke up and opened a gift with a small toy plane. i was surprised that i was going to be sky diving. both by my horror and delight. at the end i wouldnt have had it any other way.for rough two it was a day floating this summer. we all floated every day almost and had a blast, but one day we went and everything that could go wrong went wrong. rain, cooler flipped and the beer got drowned, bottoms of the bathing suit got caught on a rock and dragged off, lost of funny but awful things. but at the end of the day because i was with my friends it was totally worth it. so the top is a normal slow calm day, then FLOAT, then the chaos, ending with friends and fun as always.
First post: The overall composition is okay. I like the whimsical loopy feel you are creating I just think you could do more. Maybe some of it goes off the page, maybe some words are bolder than others. Add more variety. Also I am kind of confused why Happy is at the bottom and Birthday is at the top. I think switching them would make more sense.
ReplyDeleteSecond post: Nice! I get the idea right away. I think the top part should be in the shape of a triangle to reinforce the diamond affect you are doing. Try putting gas, tubes, and beer all on one line. Also I think you can make the whole thing bigger where the “W” are going off the page. Friends and Fun should be a little more connected too. Try giving them more importance since in the end its all okay since they are there. Definitely go with second post
I like the first one more, the airplane and falling path are a good idea. I would use a something different to create the nose of the plane because it looks like a smiley face. Also I would try to create a tail to the plane to reinforce the image. The falling words become a little difficult to read when they overlap, if you could add some spaces to them they would still appear to be a path. Also I would smooth out some of the kinks in the line to keep if flowing nicely.
ReplyDeleteOn the second one I would try to make the words a little more floaty, maybe use a path to make the words (esp the word float) a little uneven. You might concider dropping the morning bit, it would be just as effective without the extra morning routine. The word chaos might look more in place in the middle of the chaos.
Hey Brittany! I like the first rough because it is simple. I didn’t really get that you jumping out of a plane until I read your description. Maybe add more words to the plane to help emphasize that portion, and make it look a little more like a plane. I think you could add a couple of more loops or more spiral. I think that the HAPPY at the bottom should maybe imply that you are landing as well.
ReplyDeleteThe second concept is cute. I think that the tubes could stand out a little more by making them bigger. Then having the chaotic wording intertwine with them. I think that there should be more of a drastic tilt and placement of the chaotic wording. The “friends and Fun” at the bottom are just kind of there. Maybe you should have them separated from the middle a little more and make the size as small as the beginning of your day. This would relate back to everything being back to normal like your day started. I think it would give the tubing trip more emphasis as well.
Comp 1: Initially I like it a lot. Its interesting, descriptive and original. The curvy lines are easy on the eye and its very easy to follow. It does seem a little simple though. I think if you pursue this one, you should add more text and maybe more curvy lines to fill up some more of that negative space. I would also make “happy” and “birthday” bigger. Your birthday is a fun day, and it should be big and exciting.
ReplyDeleteBut nevertheless, good work.
Comp 2: I like this one the most. The way you illustrated it is perfect. I don’t think it really needs anything else. I might add a little more text under the “float”. Also the text up top might be a tad bit small and difficult to read. You might try bumping the font size up a little. But I would definitely go with comp 2. Good work and good luck with the project.
What a great 20th birthday! Your first draft is clever. I think since you went skydiving there should be more of a straight drop down from the little airplane and then start the swirling line. I am not sure the font is right, it feels happy but not excited or anxious. I love the little airplane with the happy face you created and landing with “HAPPY”.
ReplyDeleteIn your second draft I understood that y’all went floating but towards the bottom when things started going wrong, I didn’t understand what the little almond shape things were. Maybe make the words forming drowning beer cans or a bathing suit bottom.
I think both concepts are good, the first one is a little bit more done than the second but I literally laughed out loud when I read your explanation. So I think choosing either one you could do a good job.
I believe both of your concepts work very well with what you are trying to express. Your first rough shows how your 20th birthday went. I like the idea of making your text flow through the page as you parachute down. This sense of motion helps the audience get involved with your work. I would like to see the Happy and Birthday switched. I would help to express the beginning of the jump, to the end of the landing. Also if you could, try to put more detail into the plane at the top. Honestly at first, before I read the words I thought it was a butterfly or something of the sort. Not saying it is bad but it would be nice to see more detail. Also, try to not overlap the words. It can make it difficult to read at times. Another idea that I thought of was to make the loops look more like a spiral downward, so that it wouldn’t look much like you went down then flew up and down again. Just a suggestion.
ReplyDeleteI like how your second design came out as well. San Marcos is all about the river and you express your love for it here. It is easily understood and conveys your feelings about the day well. The thing I would suggest would be altering the word FLOAT some. I would have the W wave like it is the surface of the river and have the word FLOAT go with the wave. To me, that would give an even better feel of the river. Also have the words at the top go from thin to wide, so that it looks as if everything funnels down to FUN.
I believe both concepts are great and work very well. If I had to choose one I would probably choose the second because I can relate easily with bad mishaps still making a day memorable.
Markel LON35TAR Lee
Hey Brittany,
ReplyDeleteYour first rough is a really cool concept. I kind of want to see you make a better plane out of the words though. Also when you drop out of it, make the line more vertical like your really falling, and not just kind of falling sideways. I like the loops you’ve made but I also think your landing point, “happy” should be moved more to the right, maybe almost underneath the last loops you made.
Your second idea is good too. Not sure if you were trying to make an image at all, but it still looks good. You can do more with the word “float” too. Make it uneven or make the “w”s kind of wavy, like it’s actually floating. I think the chaotic part should be more cluttered and overlapping some. The top and bottom text that isn’t bold, I think should be closer together.
I like both the same and think they are good ideas, keep working!
Good luck!
Hey Brittany,
ReplyDeleteRough One: There’s nice curvature going on, but I immediately thought jack-in-the-box toy. Your emphasis on “birthday” then “happy” made me realize you were referring to a birthday, but they don’t read in the correct order. Perhaps you could put these words closer together and reversed, so that you read “happy birthday.” Perhaps you could have some stray letters floating about, to better convey the fact you are falling?
Rough Two: I prefer this concept as it has more visual appeal. The capitalization of beer seems a bit silly to me. I’m not sure if that is the right type face and weight for float. That aside, I suggest giving it a more floaty, weightless feel, as if “float” is being pushed along by the water below it. The little bubbles are a good idea, but I see coffee beans before I see bubbles. I suggest playing with the type below float. Put some more expression into it. Also, since floating is usually fairly fun, I don’t really see chaos as being the second largest word on your composition. Reconsider the font size/weight of your words, and integrate friends/fun more.
The second rough is has visual interest, and I would suggest putting energy into this one for your final selection.
The floating once works best but space out some of the bottom portion. It' too tight and difficult to read. Work with scale so that the ones in the front are bigger and the ones toward the back are smaller. This will give the floating tubes more depth.
ReplyDelete