Both of my roughs are about a day I had just about a year ago...
I was working as a content manager for AMD's website. I had decided to go back to school to get a Bachelors degree after getting my associates in 2008. I made an appointment the following day to see an advisor and I needed to update my portfolio. I went to my office and was overwhelmed with migrating 10yrs of press releases before the new site launched. After Thursday morning meetings my team and I went to lunch. After Lunch I decided to work from home the rest of the day to get a head start on my portfolio assembly. By about 10:30 p.m. I realized I needed ink and as much as I Hate Walmart…it was my only option as my portfolio had to be ready by morning (always check your ink levels). In the Walmart checkout I started feeling tingly and then sort of light headed so I sat down on the Walmart bench for a minute. I felt fine and began to stand. Immediately I felt really light headed again and I sat back down and felt fine when I stood I instantly felt light headed…this continued a couple more times. I called my roommate to come up there; something was wrong for sure. After about five minutes of waiting on him I decide I was fine and probably just ne three eded food, I would try to at least walk to my car. I stood up and walked about the length of registers before all the sudden I couldn’t feel my feet. Another step and, then I couldn’t feel my calves, and then I could barely see as I started falling. The last thing I saw was my hand grabbing for the cart as a lady’s voice faded away. I wake up to EMS telling me my heart rate is 60/20 and they are taking me to the emergency room. I said, “I don’t have insurance, I want to refuse treatment” but I couldn’t stay conscience long enough to sign any refusal forms. The rest of my day was in the ambulance; just flashes of conciseness in which I repeated, “I want to refuse treatment”. I walked away without a finished portfolio, an undiagnosed medical problem, and a 2000-dollar medical bill. Personally I think it was Walmart that almost did me in!
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ReplyDeleteI think the first composition is very successful. I’m not sure if it’s because I understand all of the formatting code or not though. Even for someone that isn’t knowledgeable on html tags, it is still visually interesting and the idea of being stressed and overwhelmed is definitely there. Are you using all the same type family? I’m a pretty big fan of your ambulance in the corner, by the way. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteThe second one doesn’t express that same feeling of stress, though. I like the down arrows, but the big typefaces and the big negative spaces aren’t the most interesting thing to look at. Also, the strong sense of diagonal motion in the first comp moves the eye through the piece, where as in the second, I don’t know which way to follow because the funky zig zag that’s made. I think it may just need some work.
Godwin,
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that you used html to convey what profession you are in is genius! I really like the idea since I’m partial to designing websites. I think the first composition conveys your message better than the second one. In the first, everything seems more in order and your schedule is easier to understand. I’m not sure about that huge gap in the left side of your piece. I also don’t understand why you put ampersand signs towards the bottom with the word “ambulance”. It almost seems unnecessary. Also, the upside down “E” in ambulance make the word slightly harder to read. I do like the fact that everything sort of sweeps off to the right and ends up with you being in an ambulance. I like the way you make the word “dizzy” actually look dizzy. Also, the last phrase at the bottom is pretty awesome. So far, I think this piece is looking really awesome.
Ashlea, although I don’t know much code at all, I think it was very clever to incorporate it into your designs. It definitely gives it a personal touch, along with everything that happened to you that day. The first one gives the impression of a whirlwind or downward spiral, all resulting in an unfortunate and expensive end. Great use of the font and all the different weights it has to offer. It really conveys the different stresses experienced throughout the day.
ReplyDeleteYour second design seems like a condensed version of the first and really doesn’t reflect the frantic pacing during that day. It still uses the downward movement effectively, but without any kind of reasoning or goal at the end. The word “working” is a bit difficult to read and gets lost within the other word. The negative space inbetween “AMD” and “Lunch” is slightly distracting, but can be easily filled with more details of the day without becoming too busy.
Ashlea, I believe your first rough is your strongest out of the two roughs, it clearly represents the spiraling effect through the story with the various weight with in your font. But, the overall structure of the piece in my opinion needs work, I find the web programming commands are a little distracting. Try working with some more write it out like your actually programming. Also the ambulance is nice touch but it might be a good to work on the over lapping wheels, the 2000 that look a tail, it needs to translate that it’s a bill not a date. Other than that it’s great.
ReplyDeleteI love that you included the html in your design. It really gives it some character. I think the composition definitely conveys craziness in your day. But the word lunch might be a bit big. I like that it has this spiraling down feeling but the giant lunch kind of takes me out of that feeling. Maybe you should try fitting it all into a more tornado looking shape. Also there might be too many words before lunch. The story starts getting a little jumbled and hard to read. And although I think your little ambulance is cute it took me a long time to realize what was going on with it.
ReplyDeleteYour second composition isn’t nearly as strong. I don’t get the message at all that you’re trying to get across. There is too much negative space, not enough words. The one < p > seems misplaced. It also reads more like < d > to me (and I’m assuming it’s not supposed to be a ‘d’). I definitely think you should focus on your first design.
Very interesting story, however when I first looked at your roughs I had no idea where to start and I felt almost a little overwhelmed. Maybe this is a good thing and intentional, but I was so distracted by the business to think about what I was actually even reading and what it meant. I do think it’s great that you incorporated the html because it is a personal touch and a personal story AND it expresses that stressed you experienced. I think this also makes it ok that I can’t fully understand it when I first look at it. Your first rough is stronger. It makes me think more of html and stress. I think it all depends on what you’re going for. If you’re wanting your viewer to feel stressed and frustrated when trying to read this (which I think is what you’re going for) you’re on the right track. The more I think about this the more I think it is successful.
ReplyDeleteI like what you are doing with your first design. It is definitely more interesting than your second composition. I like the negative space that is created in your first composition its very intriguing. I like the varying weights included in your first design. All the different symbols you used in them was a good solution. I do not focus on the second composition because I don’t think that you paid as much attention to it as the initial one. Your day seemed to be chaotic or nerve racking in the first one, and I just didn’t get that from the second composition.
ReplyDeleteI like the text at the bottom about you refusing treatment very simple detail I think was needed to finalize your rough. It doesn’t appear that your first rough needs much tweaking, so I would focus on this one. I feel dizzy looking at your dizzy, nice job in expressing that feeling. There are a few added blurbs in your composition that I don’t get for example “Tomar needs to go outside,” but I don’t mind that. It keeps my interest.
Ashlea...more code tags. Make it really nerdy! Hierarchically you should tone down LUNCH and bring up DIZZY. Visually it appears lunch had more value than you passing out. Add more code at the top to feel even more overwhelmed.
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