For this rough, I chose to illustrate the first time I got to ride on an airplane to Las Vegas. I've always loved airplanes so this was a very exciting day for me. I'm still working on what feelings I want to portray so this one is still very much a work in progress.
This rough is of a day where I had woken up late and thought I was late for work, but when I got to work my manager told me that I wasn't even supposed to be there. I'm trying to portray my initial sleep, then frantic fumbling around to get read and get to work, then my extreme frustration after realizing my mistake. I chose Helvetica because I like it..
I really like both of your concepts. The top one does look like a work in progress. Maybe you can build the arrow from excitement words you had. Or like exclamation points or something. Maybe some variances in the text at the top to make it a little more interesting. Like outlined letters or italics. The bold does create a feeling of high energy or excitement but it kind of yells at you for the whole sentence and it’s a little difficult to read.
ReplyDeleteThe second one I really (really) like. I especially like the little frustrated guy at the end. The beginning of the F word is super fun and I can hear myself saying that in the same situation. I get the whole little whimsical rings that drift into your dreams when you are sleeping that are really happening in reality. Then all of a sudden you realize they are real and RING sounds more pronounced, louder, and more frantic. Haha. Nice work with this one… if you wanted to just submit this one as is and not work over spring break on it, I would say this one is ready to go.
I think your first concept is more successful than your second one. I automatically new that your first one had an exciting feel to it. I agree with the first person that there may need to be more exclamation marks to show your excitement since it was such a memorable day for you. Maybe for the top part, the explanation paragraph should have a little tweaking, maybe tilt it a little to make it look more cohesive with the top border of the United States. Maybe play with the size of the arrow, make it larger to show the importance of the actual flight and that that is the exciting part, not necessarily your destination of Las Vegas.
ReplyDeleteI was less interested in the second one, although I understand your frustration for that kind of day. Looking at it a second time I think it is successful but I prefer your first idea.
Hey Rex,
ReplyDeleteRough One: Ah, I like this one. The outlined states look great. Perhaps since you’re talking about traveling within the states, you could lower, maybe entirely remove, Mexico. That would free up space at the top to illustrate your story which, currently, is too cramped for easy reading. If possible, I would suggest playing around with shapes to illustrate your story. Perhaps you could make an airplane or clouds out of your story?
Rough Two: Not as unique as the first, but what you have is definitely getting there. I suggest cleaning it up a bit because if you use the right lightness or heaviness of font face, you can still convey the same thing as you do repeating a word over and over. For example, I would take out half of those RING! The small ones on top are nice and more conceptual than that ones on the bottom; they’re the ones you hear as you’re slowly awakening. Perhaps set the big RING in Futura/Helvetica black, and the ones below it as well (keep a few of them still supporting the big RING, just take out some too). For the “Oh God I’m late…” and the type surrounding it, I suggest giving each part more breathing room and more flow. Try having each section flow into the next, just enough to give the eyes some room to rest (using heavy font faces will keep your concept of frenzy/stress working).
The first is more unique to you. I say keep working on that.
Not only do both of yours tell interesting stories but they use both text as type and text as imagery. The first one is a lot of fun to look at and clearly presents the day, not really much to complain about with this one. Perhaps matching the fun carefree way you have rendered Mexico in the way you type your story in the area that should be the rest of the United States? It seems to cut into the states, whereas Mexico “goes with the flow” so to speak.
ReplyDeleteYour second piece is very good at showing the emotions and thoughts you were going through on that particular day. The ringing is all cluttered and harsh, and the resulting actions are squished, condensed and clearly seem rushed. As fun as the little face is at the bottom I would almost say to take it out, the bubbles connecting it to the rest of the piece seem a little too thin and thus a little out of place. Maybe thickening the lines around the bubbles up would help tie the face back into the rest of the composition, but I’m not sure.
Your first rough looks amazing. I like how you included “my face never left the window” at the end because it’s boxed in and almost looks like it could be a window. ☺ I like your font choice but maybe try and bold “first time” or something to get a more excited feel about it. Also move the “o” in mexico down a bit. Compared to the rest of the letters it’s too close to the “c”.
ReplyDeleteYour second idea Is my favorite though. I think it is executed very well. I like how you put a bunch of rings in and how you stacked some of them. I think it represents the perfect kind of chaos for being late to work. You get a good mental image from this. I really like your guy at the bottom too. The only thing I can think of to work on is the top “rings” that are floating in… I like them but for some reason I want to see something just a tad different. Good luck over the break!
You should make a plane with the arrow following to Vegas. I like the way the story reads on top leading one to the picture below. It makes sense. Keep working with Mexico and the shape of Texas. It definitely has a good start to it. I just like the whole story.
ReplyDeleteAs for the second one, I really enjoyed this one. It’s funny and is made well. Keep working with the composition. I like the layout but maybe try adding more faces or imagery with dingbats and glyphs.
I would like to say that I really enjoyed both roughs. The first rough is exceptionally nice. You laid out the words and the map well on the canvas. I like the fact that the entire canvas is covered. You state that your working on a feeling still but I already caught the feeling of excitement and thrilled. Through your words and there placement, I could easily tell that you were happy to have flown to Las Vegas. My only suggestion would be to show a plane because it might be seen as you were happy to go to Las Vegas more than flying. I understand where you are coming from because I just flew in a plane last year and I’m 22. My head was stuck to the window.
ReplyDeleteYour second rough is funny to me. I really like the animation of the words in this image. The audience can easily catch the frustration with your day. I can personally say I fully understand how you feel by looking at this. Just today I got to work an hour early. That might not seem like much of a problem but that meant that I had to get up at 5 in the morning and walk to work. I could’ve been sleep and when I got here and no one else was here I said the same thing that is going off your page. LOL! I wouldn’t change anything in this image. It is fully understandable and engages your audience. At least you weren’t written up for that day.
I think both works are very strong and worthy of a final. I believe some of the best works are the ones that people and identify and relate to, and you have achieved that in both. If I had to choose one though, I would choose the second because it easily moved me. It made me go back and play through my frustrating days at certain jobs.
Markel LON35TAR Lee
Craft, I have to say I’m fan of both compositions but if I have to pick one, would be have to be number two. Because it has more energy and flow that makes you move along with the story, if that makes any sense. I’m sure about the frustrated face in the sense of whether you really need it or not, because the running F bomb says quite a bit on its own. Other than I don’t see anything that’s off. Short change you on the crit
ReplyDeleteI'd go with the first one...
ReplyDeletea few issues...Mexico is too strong. It gives a mixed message that perhaps Mexico was part of the story. Crop off or tone down. Emphasize Las Vegas and the flight more. Some said to add exclamation marks. Do that!!! We need to see more excitement in your words. Put more hierarchy in your paragraph too. Emphasize important things or verbs by bolding.