My concept is to convey the viewer how I felt about one of my worst days of my life. So this is my story, it was the first day of classes in High School and I felt lonely because I didn’t have any friends. One of my classmates invited me to hang out with him. We were having a good time talking that I didn’t watch my step and fell down. I felt so embarrassing because everybody was looking at me.
The typeface that I chose was Univers because a sans-serif font will convey the feeling of my story. In addition, I used Univers because it has many variations of the font. The differences between the two comps are the position and scale of the words.
First off, I really like both of your compositions. They are both big and bold and interesting. I like how all the outer type seems to draw the eye towards the main focus of your comp. I might try having some of the type shorter in length so it doesn’t all look exactly the same length and so it gives it some depth. I also like how you chose to do it on a black background. That adds a lot to the overall feeling of the piece. I wouldn’t change that. You might try a more uneasy type font to better illustrate the fact that you’re embarrassed. Maybe try overlapping black text over the white text. Other than that, I think you’ve done a great job so far and I look forward to seeing the finished piece. Just keep workin at it and you’ll get it done.
ReplyDeleteI think your first draft is more successful than your second. Maybe make all the letters lowercase since you felt belittled, lonely and embarrassed. It will show more of a weaker feeling. I think the positioning of the “I felt so embarrassed” in the bottom left or right corner is a better solution than in the middle. I read the first one easier, while the second one made me a little dizzy. The big words coming from the top give an attacking feeling. Maybe if you include words from your story like “tripped and fell” or maybe use the actual story you used in your explanation to form the “attacking words”. It was hard to understand exactly what went on. I read “felt” “lonely” “except” first and it didn’t give me an clear idea of what was happening.
ReplyDeleteIf you do like the second draft better, maybe try it reversed, black words on white background. It is just hard for me to look at which makes me not want to read it.
I think go with your first draft.
Both of your roughs are really fun to look at, going with a black background both serves as a means of catching the viewer’s eye and giving a somewhat depressed, sad, embarrassed feel to the piece. Since both pieces are kinda about the same day it really comes down to the composition, and I would definitely have to go with the second one. In both you have done an excellent job of varying thickness and balancing out the page, but the second succeeds a bit more when it comes to getting across your idea. It seems like the embarrassed is totally surrounded, and has no way to get away whereas the first kind of gives it some room to breathe. Maybe you could do a bit better on making the inner circle around embarrassed round, right now it’s a bit more rectangular. If that’s what you were going for then kudos, but if you wanted a circle it needs a bit of work.
ReplyDeleteHey Guadalupe,
ReplyDeleteConceptually, nice. I immediately understand your compositions to a certain point. Since embarrassed is a meek word, I’d like to see it set in the same face as “I felt so” and not as bold as your currently have it. Couple things.
Rough One: concept is clear, but I can’t easily read the story. Add more breathing room around your lines of text. Keep certain words bold, but try not increasing the size of font so much. There is too much noise going on, so I really only look at “I felt so embarrassed” rather than attempt to read the story. However, I like the corner position of “I felt so…”
Rough two: The center placement of “I felt so” reminds me of James Bond; I prefer it less than rough one. But, it does let me read a bit more of the story, which I like. However, it makes the story seem much more aggressive than the first.
I say go with the first rough, just add more spacing so the story is more legible. Also, try putting black text on white background. Currently, your roughs are really, really daunting.
I think that for both you need to bold the feeling you felt that will convey your bad day instead of just random words. I like the black background and white text because I do feel the emotion of frustration, sadness, and loneliness. I think that the first composition is stronger than the second. I imagine you shouting inside your mind your feelings. I think you need to tweak the “I am embarrassed” more. The font is great also! If you went with the second one I would want the text to form a better circle around “I am embarrassed” instead of wacky oval.
ReplyDeleteWow. Even though I’ve never been in that situation your two roughs are able to give that feeling of “embarrassment” to the viewer. I really like where your going with these two roughs. You can read most of the text clearly, but I want to see a little bit more of it. The top one doesn’t really tell the story and I kinda want to see what lead up to that feeling.
ReplyDeleteYour choice of typeface is also helping your concept come alive. I would also like to see what you can do with the “I’m so embarrassed line.” It is coming across a little strong and bold not showing what it is trying to convey. I get that you felt small at that time so maybe not using a bold font will help.
I think your top rough would be your stronger one, the eye follows all those lines to the corner. Keep working on it I look forward seeing how it turns out.
I like the layout of your compositions, but I do prefer the second over the first. I think that even though you don’t have your story set out word for word, the viewer still gets a sense of why you were embarrassed. The choice to put “I felt so embarrassed” isolated really lets the viewer know what you are talking about and it really gives the sense of loneliness that you were feeling. I also like how you chose to make the background black because it adds to the emotion of feeling embarrassed. The second composition flows better than the first because the words don’t seem as jumbled together and the follow a continuous circle. I also like how you make the text look like some sort of cyclone. I don’t really have any suggestions on how to improve on it, so I say leave it alone. Good job.
ReplyDeleteThe 1st one feels like they are attacking you whereas the 2nd feels like you are isolated. I'd go with the 2nd one. Make yourself smaller and meager in the middle. Clean up the center circle that the sentence make. It seems to jumbled. Give yourself more air in the center.
ReplyDelete