on my first rough, i talked more about a typical school day for me. i feel like this one needs A LOT more work done to it. i would appreciate any pointers you have to make it look better. i wake up late all the time, no matter how man alarms i set. i also stay up late, and usually its not because im doing something productive. this makes me run behind in everything. sometimes i feel like everything is just going to fall apart. i wanted to make my daily story look like a stack of jenga pieces falling over from my sleep late "ball" knocking it over. i chose futura as my typeface because i liked the amount of options i had to change the look of the font. i also just felt the sans serif looked better for what i was trying to get across.on my second rough, i wanted to show my days at work through an image. my work days are redundant, and i serve so much alcohol, more than anything though, guinness. i work at an irish pub so it's kind of required. everyone that hangs out there have become my friends. when i think about it though, we have become friends because they are there ALL THE TIME. my friends are alcoholics. thus, my pint of guinness created with multiple sentences such as "i serve beer to alcoholics." i chose the garamond typeface because it reminds me of the typeface they use on guinness glasses. while i feel like this piece needs more work, i am overall happy with what i have so far.
In my opinion, scrap the first one and go Guinness, all the way. If you were like me when you did this project, you really liked one of your ideas and kind of just did the other because you had to. This seems to be true for you, and I think that the difference is apparent.
ReplyDeleteOk, so I get the negative space “Work” at the top of the glass, but I’m not sure if I like it or if it’s just too weak. Honestly, I didn’t even know what it said till I read your comments. You should play around with it a little, or maybe get rid of it. I like the font, though.
Have you considered tracing an actual “Guinness” glass? You know the one with the laser edged bottom and curvy top? I think I would like that look better.
Overall, I really like this one, good job on it.
On the first one I think it’s a good idea that everything falls apart after you wake up late, but that’s message isn’t exactly relayed here. I like the layout how heavy and cluttered and crazy the right side is and the curve of the sleep, zzz’s etc. its visually interesting I want to read it and see what it says but I don’t get the jenga concept at all here.
ReplyDeleteOn the second rough, I love it. I’m Irish so I love Guinness. The work on the rim of the glass is well done, the top almost looks like smoke instead of a stream being poured, so maybe add a tad bit more swirl effect or liquid/running water effect to it. The whole “I serve beer to alcoholics” is both funny but a touchy subject at the same time. Being an alcoholic is by no means a good thing but the playful take you have on it I really enjoy. Its very clean yet so cluttered and messy inside the cup. Overall the second one is defiantly the winner, great job here!
bgaines, thanks for the comments. i understand why the alcoholic reference could be touchy, of course i meant for it to be playful, not literal. you bring up a good point, i will probably change the wording.
ReplyDeleteI think the first one is creative. I totally understand the fact that everything is going to topple over, although you sleep. I like how all the words is a story, not just random words of what you do during the day and so on. Although I get confused by the composition at the same time. It seems really busy and cluttered. Other than that Good Job ☺
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this one!! I think you did a great job showing the glass and the contents in it. People really get the point that this is your job, and you are not just obsessed with alcohol. The font seems perfect because I think it looks a lot like the type that Guinness would use. Although I wish it was more apparent that the top of the beer glass had that foam. I feel like it looks like its just not all the way full. Maybe if the top was more round and some was pouring over the glass it would make it look more like foam. I like how the foam does have the word work in it, again you exemplify the fact that it is work. I definitely like this one more!
Great job Robin ☺!
Comp 1: I feel your frustration with your day and I love how you emphasized certain words make your day not s good. I love the seeping and it seems to be on your mind a lot because it is part of the whole page and I like how it falls like your falling asleep. I like how the top part of your composition is tilted and falling over like your day is falling apart yet it has just begun. I also like the difference in font size and weight.
ReplyDeleteComp 2: I also like this one very much! Maybe you could put more emphasis on the Irish aspect of the bar you work in. Put a clover or two in there somewhere. I am having slight trouble reading the O in work.
I really like your second composition as a graphic a lot. It’s a very good solution to your schedule. I like that you included “I serve Guinness to alcoholics,” very nice! The Guinness becomes a little difficult to read against the darker areas of the contents of the glass that probably needs a little attention. I like that I can see the word work fairly dominantly as well. I’m not particularly fond of the hard edge that is given at the bottom of the bottle, so I would also mess with that a little, just a suggestion. I also like your font choice I think it was a good solution to your idea. I could almost see this as an ad for Guinness since that does seem to be your focus. Of course with different words though. I like that your class is almost full I sort of read this as the “working” that’s going into the class is about to overflow and become overwhelming. Nice job in your composition overall though great concept.
ReplyDeleteTo begin, the first concept is good but just needs some work to make it strong. I like the idea of your day, of being late, causing everything to lose balance. I just feel that the effect is being lost a little. You referred to the large late as a ball. You could try and shape the word LATE into a ball to express this more. Have late create a circle and within the circle could be reasons why you’re late. For example, over slept, procrastination, car problems, etc. The biggest issue is making the words look as if they are crumbling. I do not get an image of Jenga but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. It is just difficult to create the block feel without giving this 2D plane a 3D look. If you’re going to go with the Jenga idea you should look at an image of falling blocks and see if you can illustrate the motion with the words. Otherwise you should try another aspect of falling text. It might just need more words falling over the top.
ReplyDeleteThe second rough is more visually appealing then the first. The issue here is that you’re not showing a schedule really. I like the idea and concept of this piece though. The phrase is humorous and the audience can easily understand the direction of the piece. It would be great to make the glass the shape of the Guinness glasses. What would also be nice is if you could create the logo on the glass with letters and symbols. Just a suggestion though. I really do like the way the top of the glass was created. I wonder how incorporating your schedule there and in the water falling from the top would look like.
Overall great work. I believe both are great concepts. If I were to choose one I would say the Guinness rough. It seems as if you had more fun working on that idea then the other one. In order to have great work and to want to improve you must have fun doing it.
Markel LON35TAR Lee
First of all I have to say I love your concepts on both. The first one I feel is not as strong as the second. I enjoyed reading about your day in the first one but visually it is not as appealing. Perhaps if you were to tilt more of the jenga text it would be more obvious. I didn't catch that it was a ball knocking over something at first. How about making the bottom of the jenga stack straighter so that when the text does appear to start tumbling because of the impact of the ball it will be more obvious.
ReplyDeleteYour second one is really good. I think it is because it is so obvious. You did a great job illustrating with text. Maybe you could put a slight curve on either the bottom or top of the glass to give it perspective. Also, the fizz could be more random to make it more believable. Other than that...it really works well. Good job. Go with the Guinness
Robin, I love love love your second rough just as everyone else does! However I like it because I can totally hear you saying "I serve Guiness to alcoholics" as if someone asked what you do (job wise). I really like this connection my mind made for some reason. I love the font choice as well. I like the work at the top but i'm having a hard time seeing it right off the bat. Maybe add a little more overlaying to darken it just a smidge? Also I would tweak the shape of the class a bit as well. The lines are a little too hard. That could be because I'm trying to visualize a curvier glass (round top/soft bottom)instead of sharp edges. Overall I love it :) It is wonderful. For the first rough I don't feel the Jenga blocks. I think of Jenga blocks. I do like that it's a real day and not just words. I like the font and the change in style as well. TO get the jenga effect though I think it needs to be more squarish? I love the idea of toppling over and I think you've achieved this just not the jenga block effect I think you were originally going for! Good job and YAY for getting them on the blog :)
ReplyDeleteGood concepts for both drafts, although I do agree that the first one needs a lot of work, I like the jenga idea. I think the typeface for both drafts are right on.
ReplyDeleteIn your second draft you did a great job with getting depth in the glass. I agree that the garamond typeface is a good choice and resembles the actual Guiness type. I like the simplicity of the letters filling up the glass and how you used sentences like "you serve to alcoholics", but maybe you could include some of the routine you go through at work to tie in more of your "daily schedule".
Overall both ideas are going in a good direction but I think your second draft is more successful and interesting than your first.
Robin, I really like both of your designs. The first really gives a sense of how things can start piling up during the day and the extra bold text scattered throughout puts that extra kick of frustration where needed. The only thing I would probably change is the line with the "zzzz" and not have it crossing over "late!!!". I think keep everything stacked, yet distinguishable from each other would work best. As for your second piece, I am really impressed on how you created the glass, especially the very top. Its a great use of making that negative space work for the design instead of against it. As for the concept, I think its really clever and reflective of the work environment and how chaotic it might be on a busy night. The "Guiness" gets a bit too lost in the glass and really doesn't add much to the idea you are trying to put out. I think it will work better if you just play with the contrast a little more. Great job.
ReplyDeleteRough 1: This is a good concept but I think if you wanted a whole square effect you might have to create the square and then type in it to show it is separate from the other squares you would have to do. Also do this with the circle. Work with type on a line as well. That might help you reach the look your going for.
ReplyDeleteRough 2: I really liked this rough but it was hard for me to read. I kinda wanted to know what the "whole" story was and it didn't come across to me until I read your synopsis. I do like the "I serve Guiness to alcoholics" part. But I can't help but wonder how it would look with the glass contents being a little more readable.
Right now it looks as if though your second rough is the strongest one of the two. You can either bring the first rough up to a cleaner picture and see which one you like then of the two or work on the second a little longer to make it cleaner. I think you have to very good concepts working here and look forward to how it comes out.
The Guiness one is the most original. Most people do compositions about drinking you are at the opposite end...the bartender. Write other words in the pour other than working. Phrases you think of while working. Things you do at the job. etc. Use that space to inform us more on your duties there. This will also reinforce the idea that you work there. It is difficult to read the darker portion of the word "guiness" try and get that to pop out more. If it becomes difficult to read consider placing it on the bottom of the cup as if it were the bar or table.
ReplyDeleteFirst post: I like how the "sleep" is jumping in from the side and disrupting everything else. If you were trying to make it look like jenja blocks then I would make them more consistent with each other.
ReplyDeleteSecond post: Really nice! I like how you made the word Guinness over-sized and how you incorporated "to alcoholics" really small. It made my eye search around to find out with it said. The only change I can see to make is to bring the glass down to the bottom so its touching the ground..