This piece describes a crazy day while on vacation to Florida. In one day me and my friends nearly killed ourselves from the amount of fast-food we ate, while driving from one side of Florida to the other and back again in a single day. We also took part in some crazy bowling, and naturally had a to buy some dumb looking socks for the occasion. We all made it out alright, a bit sick from the terrible choice in road snacks, but a good experience none the less!
Part two of the same story, except from the viewpoint of one of the infamous chicken sandwiches! I used franklin gothic for both and one was meant to be kinda crazy and outta control (the first one) while the other was meant to a bit more straight forward.
First post: The overall composition is okay. I understand where things get crazy and then smooth out because of your friends. I feel like your crazy part could be a bit more crazy. Things overlapping, bolder type, upper/lower case. Just go crazy with it! You also talked about fast food being a main focus but all I see is Wal-Mart. I also like what you are doing with the circle part. I think you could have more fun with that and incorporate that with all the craziness. How it slides down to the bottom is nice.
ReplyDeleteSecond post: There is really nothing exciting going on here. It looks like a normal paragraph only with a squiggle. Nothing stands out and moves my eye around. I would definitely go with your first post. I see more potential for that one.
Unfortunately, the way the images were photographed (camera phone?) and uploaded makes this one really difficult to critique. The letters are blurry and the paper on the first one even looks a little curved. So I don’t know if the paragraph at the end is suppose to have a little tail to the end of it or it is suppose to just finish on the same baseline. The first one is visually interesting however, there is a lot of negative space. It doesn’t really read as a crazy chaotic day as you described it. It seems much more relaxed by the way the words follow along this whimsical curved path. If you are trying to convey the enjoyment of the stories you told with your friends and the sense of hanging out, you might want to make some story quotes from the actual trip in a larger font so you get the sense there are multiple people chatting and enjoying themselves. Because I can’t read the text in the image, I am just assuming you are trying to create a “crazy” trip like you have described in the blurb about your thought process of the assignment. I think you might need to add a bit more bold/large text and maybe some overlapping to get a sense of crazy. It honestly looks like you are driving peacefully off in the sunset with all this breathing room and sense of air. It doesn’t look like you almost died.
ReplyDeleteThe second one is super hard to read but also its just pretty visually boring. It looks like you just typed a paragraph and changed the middle of the body copy to a larger point size. The squiggle line doesn’t seem like it really has a purpose and looks really out of place, to a point that its almost distracting.
I would go with the first one and give a much more intense (visually) sense of the day.
James,
ReplyDeleteI think the idea of the composition is creative! I like how you made the bowling ball and pins from when y’all crazily bowled. Although I cant understand the composition and follow it that well. Maybe its because the composition is horizontal. Also what are the random numbers “237”? is that possibly the area code of Florida, I don’t know. I like how the important words like “Wal-Mart,” “Epic,” and “good friends” are bolded. It makes the composition more interesting to look at. Maybe if you could clean up the composition a little bit tighter and clearer to follow would be better.
For the chicken sandwich, I think the idea is hilarious and creative, but I like the other composition better. I think it tells the story better and gets the point across better. Also I had a hard time figuring out what your picture was before I read it was a chicken sandwich.
these compositions are kind of hard for me to really see the real product due to bad photography and having to turn my head to see it correctly. I definitely like your first one better. The imagery of the bowling ball and pins work well with the story you are portraying. I definitely get the feel of the crazy night you and your friends had. It is much stronger and has more potential than your second composition. Your second composition looks like you tried to make a sandwich? Though, it is not very recognizable. I had trouble reading the top part because of the bad picture. Maybe you had problems uploading the file to your blog? I would recommend doing that so maybe you could get some better feedback. If you intend on working on your second comp more, I feel like it certainly has potential to look like a sandwich with more range in font sizes and more work hours put into it. It doesn’t look like as much time was spent on it as on your first comp.
ReplyDeleteJames
ReplyDeleteIt is somewhat hard to critique both of these concepts simply because of how they were uploaded, however reading your descriptions help a bit. I understand the concept of your first idea, and what I get from this is the sense of driving. The words that stray off from the rest appear to me to form a road, which then turns into a bowling ball with pins. I can’t see the font very well so its hard to make any suggestions on specific fonts that would work, but maybe I would work on the placement of some of the words, because they seem very random. I do like, however how some of words are bold, giving them an obvious importance.
I’m sorry but I do not understand your second composition at all. It really just looks like a few paragraphs about your day, which is fine, but I don’t think it is really going with what the assignment is asking for, and is a little boring. The random squiggle in the middle is also very distracting; I just want to erase it.
I would for sure go with your first concept; I feel the second one would way to hard for people to get on they’re own, without knowing it’s supposed to be a chicken sandwich. The first one also seems more personal to me.
Are these iPhone pictures?
ReplyDeleteI really don’t feel the need to go into details on how hard it is to make sense of these, I feel like others have already given you enough information in that department.
The first one seems like the way to go. I would focus your attention to it; it just seems a lot more solid than the second. I think you should try using a typeface with more variations other than just bold. Put some time into it, and give some words or sentences a different look. Everything is just way to static to me.
Hmm, what else to say?
I think you just need to spend more time on this project. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you rushed to get these done at the last minute. Brainstorm some different elements to add in, and some clever ways to portray the font. Good start.
interesting idea, but your roughs were ruined by the fact they are pictures, not jpeg. the text on the second one is hard to read because it is blurry. your ideas are great but are lost with the quality. i'm not realy sold on your first idea. it looks like an ant farm and i got kinda lost in the middle. maybe you alternate between serif and sans serif fonts. on the second rough is fun, though. i like the wave in the middle. the font works very well and i think you should go with this one.
ReplyDeleteHard to see the comps. If you want to focus on the food go with the 2nd one but make it look like a sandwich. Maybe a THICK ALL CAPS layer that is the CHICKEN then smaller letters that make a layer of lettuce. etc. It doesn't look like much of a sandwich.
ReplyDelete